maybe he's not ready..maybe he's scared..or maybe he's just waiting...ok..fine! These are all acceptable reasons--but I want to know..what is he scared of..what is he waiting for { or better yet- who is he waiting for} ..my question is - is it ever "kool" to propose to him..? Will all my gal pals look at me with pity in their eyes....y can't i propose to him! After all whats wrong with a gal telling her boy..she wants to be his forever...and ever...dream on! Not gonna happen...right
Feel your pain! Should you or shouldn't you is a question that only you can answer...but I think, if it feels right, why not? Life is precious and is passing by pretty quickly...so I say, "why wait?"
Do you love him? Do you know (for real!!!) that he loves you? Do you trust him? Is he a true friend in the fullest sense of the word? If yes, then why not? Plus...maybe your guy is just too scared...not sure how he ended up with a babe like you!
Nah K...can't do it! I'm little bit of an ole fashion type o gal...and then again..naaaah...i can't...we haven't been to that 1 year aniversary as yet. I'm being pushy...i'll wait..I know he will eveually ask...
I recently married my boyfriend of 5 years in September. At or around the 3-yr. mark in our relationship, I simply asked him if the thought of marrying me had ever even crossed his mind. His response? "No..." Without probing the issue further, I promptly dumped him on the spot. I wasn't coming out and asking him to marry me...I was trying to see where he stood when it came to our relationship.
In my opinion, 2 years is plenty of time to make up your mind if you want to marry someone or not...if the thought hasn't even occurred to you or the other person, move on.
My friends all think that I gave him an ultimatum, but that wasn't the case. I addressed the issue head-on in a way that I was comfortable doing. I just wasn't going to waste the best years of my life on someone who didn't find me suitable to be his wife or to bear his children-- which I found out was not the case at all (oops).
I hate to generalize, but men are not the best at communicating feelings and romantic sentiments (at least my man isn't). When I finally cooled off enough to talk to him about it, I got a glimpse into how his mind worked. He thought the relationship was going fine and he didn't feel there was any need to "mess with a good thing." When he said, "No" to my original question, he didn't mean that I wasn't "The One," he just meant that he wasn't prepared to marry me at that moment. He was working on a Master's degree at the time and didn't think I'd want to marry him without a stable career. He is very traditional, and in his mind, he didn't feel "man enough" to entertain the thought of taking on a wife. Maybe your guy is not at a point in his life to entertain the thought of marriage...
Straight-forwardness may not "work" for other gals, but it worked for me. If he was ever going to marry me, he was going to know what type of person he was getting--straight forward and brutally honest (well, o.k...and impetuous). Needless to say, 2 months after I broke up with him, I got a surprise trip to Las Vegas and a proposal in front of the Bellagio Fountains.
Looking back, I've asked him why he proposed...did he feel pressured into it? He says he's glad that I jolted his thinking. I guess he liked the fact that I spoke my mind...
I love your post. I totally agree with you. I celebrate your courage!!!
I believe we have the same right to express our feelings than they do. We have to take our lives and future in our hands. We are to important to just stay waiting for him to take the initiative.
As you said, sometimes men need a little help on expressing their feelings…
When talking about our lives, there is no men or women ‘things’…We are just people in love expressing our feelings...
K... y did you wait so long--were in school as well or were you just waiting for him to pop the question... especially after being with him for a year.
I'm curious- .. is there a "right..or acceptable" time for a gal to consider marriage? Whats the time period if there is such a thing.
I have been dating a great guy for almost 10 months and we talk about marriage and has told he wants to marry me. Which is all fine...but i really don't want to pressure him. So I have decided to wait for a year at least..and see what happens.
P.S. And there is no doubt in my mind that he does want to marry me..i see and hear it from the little things he does and say...
I get a sense of urgency from you--don't know why you have such a preoccupation with the thought of marriage.
Time is fleeting, I know, but timing is also everything. Where is he in his life? Where are you in your life right now? I had a personal timeline with my relationship to him. It was 2 years. After that time, I was in a personal position to consider marriage. The thing was that I didn't know where he was at that point in time. The relationship rolled into the third year and that's when I took matters into my own hands...
If you are truly at a point in your life where the concept of marriage is not overwhelming or scary, then it would be prudent of you to entertain a conversation with your man about the subject. Communicate your concerns with him in an honest, sincere way. Don't be whiny or pushy (you'll scare him off). Find out where he stands. In either case, your objective should be to walk away from the conversation satisfied with the information you've gathered. Get the answers that you need without pressuring him. "Diplomacy, diplomacy, diplomacy..." as my mother would say.
I don't know if any of this helps at all, but I just know that there is a season for everything. If it feels right to wait for him to be ready, then follow your instincts and give him some time. If your gut tells you that he is just dragging his feet, nip the issue in the bud and decide if you're better off moving on.
My personal opinion? The younger you are, the more time you should give a relationship to unfold before thinking about marriage. Young lovers will grow together. When you're young, you have so many insecurities-you're still "ironing" things out about yourself. If that is the case, then 10 months is a bit soon. If you are someone who is older or more experienced in the ways of the world, then a shorter timeframe before exploring the thought of marriage is more acceptable; as you mature, you know what you want out of life.
Ask yourself why you want to marry this individual. Does he share the same beliefs? Is his idea of marriage the same as yours?
Walk down the aisle with him only if you have no doubt in your mind whatsoever that he is the one you will be bound to for all of your earthly life. Is he worthy of fathering your children? And of course, he should also be comfortable taking your hand in marriage having made a conscious decision to do so himself. If so, I wish you two much love and happiness.
maybe he's not ready..maybe he's scared..or maybe he's just waiting...ok..fine! These are all acceptable reasons--but I want to know..what is he scared of..what is he waiting for { or better yet- who is he waiting for} ..my question is - is it ever "kool" to propose to him..? Will all my gal pals look at me with pity in their eyes....y can't i propose to him! After all whats wrong with a gal telling her boy..she wants to be his forever...and ever...dream on! Not gonna happen...right
